I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
