i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
