Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
