does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
