After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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