how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
