hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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