The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
