So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize