When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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