i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so let's talk penis.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
