I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
