We named our party play list daddy issues
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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