im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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