Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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