What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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