we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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