did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I sprained my soul last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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