She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
