Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize