My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
