I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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