Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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