I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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