Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
bring money and cleavage
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
