Me too!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
