dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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