after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I came so hard my ears popped.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
