I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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