I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
