ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
