Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
