Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
