Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
