I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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