I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
