btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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