dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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