weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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