just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
