can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
