just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
