Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
