Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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