I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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