What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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