I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
