if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
