I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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