I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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