walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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