there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
