we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
