Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
