the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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