I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
