Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
