"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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