the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
