Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
