I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
