i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
