Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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