so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
