Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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