rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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