Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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