As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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