Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
