Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
