Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize