White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
