wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize