watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
